Day 50: Home

At this point, as we flew home and crossed numerous time zones, time really started to blur. Once we landed in Dubai, it was time for me to say goodbye to my closest friend on the GP, Dylan Hillman. Dylan's dad worked in the Middle East, and he was actually going to meet Dylan in Dubai Airport and then go on vacation in Europe together. It was tough to part from someone I really counted as a brother, but alas, that's life and we all must move on. After I said goodbye to Dylan, the team proceeded to hang out in Dubai Airport for a little while. Now, Dubai Airport is pretty darn nice place. There's basically a mall in what is already one of the nicest airports I've ever seen. You can imagine what was what like for the GP team to experience things like air conditioning, squeaky clean public restrooms, marble floors, opulent interiors, etc, etc.

Well pretty soon, we were in the air again on our way to New York. Even though it was a 12+ hour flight, before I knew it, we were in American airspace and in another blink of an eye, we had landed at JFK Airport. Holy crap! I was back in America. After 7 weeks, I had made it back...my phone had reception, all the signs were in English, I called my family, etc., etc.

But now was the time for goodbye. After the team made it through customs, we all gathered in the hallway, and began to say our goodbyes but for real this time. Each of us had different flights back home, so as people left one by one, I knew the time was coming for me to go to my own terminal where I would await my flight to Los Angeles. Let me tell you that it was not easy waiting by myself; I felt so lonely. This was really the first time I was truly by myself for the last 7 weeks, so I was relieved when some of my teammates called me to hang out for a little while one last time.

From New York to LA was another 5 hour flight. Suffice it to say, I was pretty anxious to be home by this point and was pretty tired of flying by this point. When I finally landed, I was ready to see my family. Sure enough, there at the arrivals terminal was my family waiting for me.

One hour later, I was back in my own room. I was home. Thank You God.

I feel so blessed that one year later almost to the day since I left for New York to begin my missions trip, I get to finish this blog. Even more importantly, however, I now get to see my sister off tomorrow as she leaves for the InterVarsity Global Project 2011. Godspeed Denise. I'm excited for what God has in store for you. I'll see you in 7 weeks.

And in a few more days, Dylan will be in LA to visit for a few days. Full circle indeed. Once again, thank You God. I will always testify of Your love, grace, and goodness.

Denise, I'll be there when you return

Day 49: Goodbye

This was it. Today, we were leaving Kenya to go back home. We all knew this day was coming, but I was still in no way prepared for it. This day was an absolute whirlwind; so much happened that I can't even begin to adequately match words with events and emotions.

I'll start off by recounting that the GP team stopped by downtown Nairobi one last time to use up the rest of our shillings on souvenirs and other random crap to bring back stateside. After that, it was time to go to the airport. At last, it was time to do what is all at once obvious, saddening, and necessary on a missions trip: leave and go home.

At the airport parking lot, we got our chances to say goodbye to our GP directors (Brian and Debbie who would be staying in Kenya a bit longer), and our Kenyan teammates and friends (George, Catherine, Hellen, and "Nams"). This was one of the hardest parts of the entire missions trip, because what's difficult is not leaving the country itself but parting from those you count as friends. I love my Kenyan friends so of course it was hard saying goodbye to someone you honestly might never see again until heaven. I know that sounds super lame, but isn't that what heaven sort of is: eternal unity with God and loved ones? To George, Catherine, Hellen, and Nams: I still think about you to this day. I'm not even lying when I say that each of you made a difference in my life this past year. I love you all and I'll make sure to look for y'all when when we see each other in heaven one day, if not sooner on this earth.

When we finally separated from the Lee family and our Kenyan friends (which you can bet took a long time), we entered the bustling airport and eventually proceeded to our gate. Let me tell you what a surreal experience it is to be in an airport in a foreign country after you've been on a missions trip for 7 weeks. I felt like I was in a dream: there was so much commotion and people of all different nationalities. After sitting around in a hot, stuffy gate for a while, we finally boarded the plane that would take us back to Dubai.

Around 11:40 PM, our plane took off. I felt such a heaviness in my heart knowing I had just left the place where God had begun a good work in me. Not only had I experienced so much redemption and transformation, but I was even blessed with things I didn't expect. Things like community and friendship.

But now came the hard part. In some ways, it's easy to "be Christian" and "follow Jesus unconditionally" on a missions trip. I'd bet that 96.8% of Christians could go on a missions trip and say that they experienced God, underwent transformation, and felt a greater burden for the world during their time in a third-world country. What's more difficult is actually going home and integrating that transformation into a life that begs to be comfortable, attain riches, and not be challenged by Jesus. In the end, it's not what you experience on a missions trip that's most important, but it's the change you bring into your life post-missions that's critical.

I sometimes jokingly say that a missions trip is like a NFL draft: you wait 3 years before you judge the "success" (obviously, success take many and any forms) of a missions trip or draft. In the same way you can't tell if a college player you drafted will be an elite player right away, you can't tell what transformation a person who's gone on a missions trip has experienced until you let him/her go home and apply that change.

That's what I was afraid of as I sat in my seat in that airplane leaving Kenya: that all I had experienced would be all for naught unless I let my experiences change the way I lived in the U.S. One year later, I hope that my life has provided evidence of God's work, redemption, and transformation. If not, then go ahead and call me out, and treat me like JaMarcus Russell and call me a "bust."

Brian Lee-A man of God. Enough said.

George Omollo-Like Moses in that he would won't go anywhere unless he knows God's going with him
Catherine Karanja-A strong woman who's wise and mature beyond her years

Hellen Nailantei-A disciple of Jesus whose passion and convictions really inspire me

Day 48: Last Full Day

We all woke up pretty late today since we got into Watakatifu Wote Senta so late. Well, this was our last full day in Kenya. Each of us had to write essays about our experiences in Kenya, so a bunch of us spent the day working on them. I finished a bit early so I enjoyed a nice walk with my small group leader, Ryan.

Overall, I just spent the day talking with my teammates, knowing that I would never see many of them again and consequently valuing every minute I spent with them. That night, we had our last dinner in Kenya. It was really bittersweet enjoying an authentic Kenyan meal for the last time with friends. Later on, the Karau family came by to collect some donations and to see the team one last time. We had one last time of worship as a team and by the time it ended, everyone just sat there not knowing what to do. I think everyone was just trying to take in the moment, realizing that as soon as we stood up, we would never all be in the same place at one time like this anymore. We all started hugging each other and saying our goodbyes even though it wasn't technically good-bye yet. At the same time, we all knew that in the impending craziness of going home the next day, we might not be able to say proper good-byes.

I went to sleep that night not really wanting to fall asleep. I knew that when I woke up, I would be preparing to leave Kenya. It was exciting to come home, but at the same time, I was invested spiritually and emotionally in Kenya. But alas, all things must come to an end and life must move on. So I eventually fell asleep realizing that the next time I was going to fall asleep in a bed, it would be my own in good ol' Southern California.

Day 47: Coming Full Circle

So for those of you who don't know me well, you should know that I always talk about coming full circle. I absolutely love the concept of returning to a point in space or time with a different and/or maturer perspective. Or as Sarah Lee once told me, it's not really coming full circle, but coming full "helix", because in making a full revolution, you now have a higher vantage point. I know, pretty deep right?

During the previous night, our team had an affirmation circle during which we went around the circle to affirm each and every single person on our team. It was a really blessed time when we could really encourage and appreciate it each other. Needless to say, we could all feel the GP quickly coming to an end.

The next morning, we had a sunrise worship service during which many of us woke up early to see the sun rise over the Indian Ocean and worship God for the last time in Mombasa. We were going to be returning to Nairobi that day, and so this was the last day we could relax on the beaches of Mombasa.

Around 5 PM, we boarded the charter bus that would take us back to Nairobi. After stopping for dinner, we began the overnight commute. Our destination? None other than the place we started the missions trip in: Watakatifu Wote Senta (WWS)! The last time we were here as a team, we were all about to depart on our ministry assignments. I remember having feelings of anxiety, fear, and anticipation of what God would do. I knew that God had many things in store for me, but these "things" were all nebulous; I really had no idea what God had in mind.

We arrived at WWS around 4 or so in the morning. I hadn't slept well on the bus so I just plopped down on a bed and slept into the next morning. But I felt really happy knowing that I had come full circle. In returning to WWS, I could now concretely testify of what God had done in and through me for the past 5-6 weeks. The things God had showed me in my time away from WWS were no longer general, nebulous things, but I could provide specific examples of what God had taught me and how He had transformed me.

Coming full circle really allows me to see how I have changed for better or worse. Physically, WWS was just a place I started and ended the GP at, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, I like to think that I had changed a bit. I like to think that I returned to WWS more in love with God and His people

Epic sunrise over the Indian Ocean

Some of the men of the Global Project

Day 46: Cards

During today's debriefing session, Brian talked with the team about investment. Brian went through a manuscript study on Matthew 25 which is the Parable of the Talents. I would really suggest reading the parable, but if you're lazy like me, the gist of the parable is that we make the most of what we have been entrusted with.

Brian really challenged us to think about the cards each of us has been dealt. By cards, Brian was referring to all the gifts, strengths, weaknesses, flaws, circumstances, etc. that each of us has. He then asked the critical question: Does each of us make the most of our cards, whether good or bad? Some of us have better cards than others and some don't, but we have no control over what we are given in life. We do, however, have control over how we play our cards. That sounds completely obvious, but we American Christians often don't live life as if we understand that statement. We know that our incomes and standard of life are higher than most other people's in the world, but we are only aware of what we don't have or of the cards others have. We indeed have been dealt good hands, but we're not satisfied with having a straight or flush; we want the full-houses and straight-flushes. Heck, if we had it our way, we'd all want royal flushes. Well, consider that the majority of the world plays with a pair...at best. Or sometimes, we allow Satan to corrupt our "good cards"-our strengths, talents, and gifts-such that we don't bless people with them and/or use them selfishly.

When it comes down to it, we American Christians rarely use the cards we have been dealt to bless God and others. If I died today, I'm not sure God would say to me, "Well done, good and faithful servant." What would it look like for me to use all my cards, good and bad, and give them to God for nonstop, passionate kingdom-work?

I know this post sounds ultra-preachy, but what would it look like for us to make the most of what we have been entrusted with? At the end of the day, when I die, I'd sure like to hear God say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." Or considering the analogies to cards, I'd also be okay with hearing, "Well played, sir, well played."

Day 45: Transcendence

I firmly believe that there are transcendent moments in our lives when we really connect with God. As a Christian who's been going to church since day 1, I know all of the "churchy, Christian-ese" tag-lines. You could ask me about God's love, grace, justification by faith, sanctification, etc. and I'd probably be able to give you an sensible response. It's unfortunate that the Christian faith is often reduced to a few cute, trite lines. But then, there are those circumstances in life when the principles that are so familiar to us become real. There are those moments when God's power and work in our lives transcends our sin and apathy.

On day 45, I remember sitting on a bench overlooking the Indian Ocean and reflecting on the GP. I wrote in my journal: "Wow, thank You God." Now, don't get me wrong: I thank God everyday. Oftentimes, it's just a routine part of my prayers, but this time, as I looked toward the horizon, I truly meant my thanks to God. It was one of those moments that I could just bask in God's presence and recognize all He had done in my life. I knew that going forward, as I was getting ready to go home and prepare for my senior year of college, there would be challenges and trials. I just knew, however, that God would be at the center of my life, working in obvious and hidden ways.

I began to think about the future and about what I wanted to do with my life. If anything, the GP only made going into my final year of college more difficult, because now I really didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I joked with Brian that I wish God would just give me a giant signpost telling me what to do. He told me that as our own hearts and desires align more and more with God's heart and will, some things become clearer to us. It's not that we get signs, but certain paths and choices become less appealing and others more so.

Today in the present, I realize that these moments of transcendence are few and far between. I am now done with my education, came back from my last InterVarsity chapter camp, and probably won't see many of my college friends in a long time. I'm going through yet another transition phase in life, but I know how I want to live. For me, when it comes down to it, I just want to live faithfully and humbly in the small things. I know there will be powerful moments when God will be explicit in my life, but for the other 99% of my life, I just want to do my best to be a man after God's own heart. There should be no principle in my life more transcendent than that one. I think I'll be alright if I can do just that.

Day 44: Why Kenya Was For Me

The eastern coast of Kenya at Mombasa

One of the first items of business Brian began our debriefing with was asking the entire GP team to explain "why Kenya was for me." So each of us stood up one by one and started our answers with some variation of: "The Kenya GP was all about me, because..." One of the biggest realizations I had on the trip was that Kenya was all about me, because really, it's not all about me. Amidst my selfish ambition and self-centeredness, there's not very much room left in my heart for me to love God or others. During IV's Chapter Camp of that year, one of the speakers said that true love requires sacrifice. I think I began to understand that statement during my time in Kenya. I've always said that anything that is worthwhile requires sacrifice, but I don't think I've ever really lived out that cute, trite little saying. If there's one thing that God instilled in me last summer, it's that true love really does require uncomfortable amounts of effort, tears, and sacrifice. If there's one thing I'm normally terrible at, it's giving up my own time and energy for the sake of others. Last summer, God really challenged me to think about ways in which I could make sacrifices for others and Him, thereby loving.

Later that day, Brian described in detail our reentry into the United States. He gave a chilling picture of what it would be like for each of us to end up in our airport terminals by ourselves waiting for our respective flights back home, to land back in our home cities, to see our loved ones waiting for us at the airport, to finally arrive back in our homes after 7 weeks. Of course, being a forward thinker, I had thought of there things before, but hearing Brian verbalize the future like that really made me both dread and look forward to going home.

I realized in that moment that returning home after a missions trip is probably one of the most difficult aspects of the trip. True transformation occurs once we return home and actually integrate our experiences into the way we each live our lives. In some ways, being spiritual and seeking God is almost easier on missions than at home. Here in Kenya, I'm always having serious conversations about God, culture, and what being a disciple looking like. Back home, I'm always having not-so-serious conversations about sports, girls, school, and food.

The challenge that lay ahead was how to continually seek God first in a culture where that sort of mentality doesn't exist. I know what general direction I want to go in life, but many things I experience in the America want me to go in an entirely different direction.