Day 48: Last Full Day

We all woke up pretty late today since we got into Watakatifu Wote Senta so late. Well, this was our last full day in Kenya. Each of us had to write essays about our experiences in Kenya, so a bunch of us spent the day working on them. I finished a bit early so I enjoyed a nice walk with my small group leader, Ryan.

Overall, I just spent the day talking with my teammates, knowing that I would never see many of them again and consequently valuing every minute I spent with them. That night, we had our last dinner in Kenya. It was really bittersweet enjoying an authentic Kenyan meal for the last time with friends. Later on, the Karau family came by to collect some donations and to see the team one last time. We had one last time of worship as a team and by the time it ended, everyone just sat there not knowing what to do. I think everyone was just trying to take in the moment, realizing that as soon as we stood up, we would never all be in the same place at one time like this anymore. We all started hugging each other and saying our goodbyes even though it wasn't technically good-bye yet. At the same time, we all knew that in the impending craziness of going home the next day, we might not be able to say proper good-byes.

I went to sleep that night not really wanting to fall asleep. I knew that when I woke up, I would be preparing to leave Kenya. It was exciting to come home, but at the same time, I was invested spiritually and emotionally in Kenya. But alas, all things must come to an end and life must move on. So I eventually fell asleep realizing that the next time I was going to fall asleep in a bed, it would be my own in good ol' Southern California.

Day 47: Coming Full Circle

So for those of you who don't know me well, you should know that I always talk about coming full circle. I absolutely love the concept of returning to a point in space or time with a different and/or maturer perspective. Or as Sarah Lee once told me, it's not really coming full circle, but coming full "helix", because in making a full revolution, you now have a higher vantage point. I know, pretty deep right?

During the previous night, our team had an affirmation circle during which we went around the circle to affirm each and every single person on our team. It was a really blessed time when we could really encourage and appreciate it each other. Needless to say, we could all feel the GP quickly coming to an end.

The next morning, we had a sunrise worship service during which many of us woke up early to see the sun rise over the Indian Ocean and worship God for the last time in Mombasa. We were going to be returning to Nairobi that day, and so this was the last day we could relax on the beaches of Mombasa.

Around 5 PM, we boarded the charter bus that would take us back to Nairobi. After stopping for dinner, we began the overnight commute. Our destination? None other than the place we started the missions trip in: Watakatifu Wote Senta (WWS)! The last time we were here as a team, we were all about to depart on our ministry assignments. I remember having feelings of anxiety, fear, and anticipation of what God would do. I knew that God had many things in store for me, but these "things" were all nebulous; I really had no idea what God had in mind.

We arrived at WWS around 4 or so in the morning. I hadn't slept well on the bus so I just plopped down on a bed and slept into the next morning. But I felt really happy knowing that I had come full circle. In returning to WWS, I could now concretely testify of what God had done in and through me for the past 5-6 weeks. The things God had showed me in my time away from WWS were no longer general, nebulous things, but I could provide specific examples of what God had taught me and how He had transformed me.

Coming full circle really allows me to see how I have changed for better or worse. Physically, WWS was just a place I started and ended the GP at, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, I like to think that I had changed a bit. I like to think that I returned to WWS more in love with God and His people

Epic sunrise over the Indian Ocean

Some of the men of the Global Project

Day 46: Cards

During today's debriefing session, Brian talked with the team about investment. Brian went through a manuscript study on Matthew 25 which is the Parable of the Talents. I would really suggest reading the parable, but if you're lazy like me, the gist of the parable is that we make the most of what we have been entrusted with.

Brian really challenged us to think about the cards each of us has been dealt. By cards, Brian was referring to all the gifts, strengths, weaknesses, flaws, circumstances, etc. that each of us has. He then asked the critical question: Does each of us make the most of our cards, whether good or bad? Some of us have better cards than others and some don't, but we have no control over what we are given in life. We do, however, have control over how we play our cards. That sounds completely obvious, but we American Christians often don't live life as if we understand that statement. We know that our incomes and standard of life are higher than most other people's in the world, but we are only aware of what we don't have or of the cards others have. We indeed have been dealt good hands, but we're not satisfied with having a straight or flush; we want the full-houses and straight-flushes. Heck, if we had it our way, we'd all want royal flushes. Well, consider that the majority of the world plays with a pair...at best. Or sometimes, we allow Satan to corrupt our "good cards"-our strengths, talents, and gifts-such that we don't bless people with them and/or use them selfishly.

When it comes down to it, we American Christians rarely use the cards we have been dealt to bless God and others. If I died today, I'm not sure God would say to me, "Well done, good and faithful servant." What would it look like for me to use all my cards, good and bad, and give them to God for nonstop, passionate kingdom-work?

I know this post sounds ultra-preachy, but what would it look like for us to make the most of what we have been entrusted with? At the end of the day, when I die, I'd sure like to hear God say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." Or considering the analogies to cards, I'd also be okay with hearing, "Well played, sir, well played."

Day 45: Transcendence

I firmly believe that there are transcendent moments in our lives when we really connect with God. As a Christian who's been going to church since day 1, I know all of the "churchy, Christian-ese" tag-lines. You could ask me about God's love, grace, justification by faith, sanctification, etc. and I'd probably be able to give you an sensible response. It's unfortunate that the Christian faith is often reduced to a few cute, trite lines. But then, there are those circumstances in life when the principles that are so familiar to us become real. There are those moments when God's power and work in our lives transcends our sin and apathy.

On day 45, I remember sitting on a bench overlooking the Indian Ocean and reflecting on the GP. I wrote in my journal: "Wow, thank You God." Now, don't get me wrong: I thank God everyday. Oftentimes, it's just a routine part of my prayers, but this time, as I looked toward the horizon, I truly meant my thanks to God. It was one of those moments that I could just bask in God's presence and recognize all He had done in my life. I knew that going forward, as I was getting ready to go home and prepare for my senior year of college, there would be challenges and trials. I just knew, however, that God would be at the center of my life, working in obvious and hidden ways.

I began to think about the future and about what I wanted to do with my life. If anything, the GP only made going into my final year of college more difficult, because now I really didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I joked with Brian that I wish God would just give me a giant signpost telling me what to do. He told me that as our own hearts and desires align more and more with God's heart and will, some things become clearer to us. It's not that we get signs, but certain paths and choices become less appealing and others more so.

Today in the present, I realize that these moments of transcendence are few and far between. I am now done with my education, came back from my last InterVarsity chapter camp, and probably won't see many of my college friends in a long time. I'm going through yet another transition phase in life, but I know how I want to live. For me, when it comes down to it, I just want to live faithfully and humbly in the small things. I know there will be powerful moments when God will be explicit in my life, but for the other 99% of my life, I just want to do my best to be a man after God's own heart. There should be no principle in my life more transcendent than that one. I think I'll be alright if I can do just that.

Day 44: Why Kenya Was For Me

The eastern coast of Kenya at Mombasa

One of the first items of business Brian began our debriefing with was asking the entire GP team to explain "why Kenya was for me." So each of us stood up one by one and started our answers with some variation of: "The Kenya GP was all about me, because..." One of the biggest realizations I had on the trip was that Kenya was all about me, because really, it's not all about me. Amidst my selfish ambition and self-centeredness, there's not very much room left in my heart for me to love God or others. During IV's Chapter Camp of that year, one of the speakers said that true love requires sacrifice. I think I began to understand that statement during my time in Kenya. I've always said that anything that is worthwhile requires sacrifice, but I don't think I've ever really lived out that cute, trite little saying. If there's one thing that God instilled in me last summer, it's that true love really does require uncomfortable amounts of effort, tears, and sacrifice. If there's one thing I'm normally terrible at, it's giving up my own time and energy for the sake of others. Last summer, God really challenged me to think about ways in which I could make sacrifices for others and Him, thereby loving.

Later that day, Brian described in detail our reentry into the United States. He gave a chilling picture of what it would be like for each of us to end up in our airport terminals by ourselves waiting for our respective flights back home, to land back in our home cities, to see our loved ones waiting for us at the airport, to finally arrive back in our homes after 7 weeks. Of course, being a forward thinker, I had thought of there things before, but hearing Brian verbalize the future like that really made me both dread and look forward to going home.

I realized in that moment that returning home after a missions trip is probably one of the most difficult aspects of the trip. True transformation occurs once we return home and actually integrate our experiences into the way we each live our lives. In some ways, being spiritual and seeking God is almost easier on missions than at home. Here in Kenya, I'm always having serious conversations about God, culture, and what being a disciple looking like. Back home, I'm always having not-so-serious conversations about sports, girls, school, and food.

The challenge that lay ahead was how to continually seek God first in a culture where that sort of mentality doesn't exist. I know what general direction I want to go in life, but many things I experience in the America want me to go in an entirely different direction.

Day 43: Locomotion

I woke up at 3:30 AM when our train finally started moving. We had been delayed about 8 hours, but at least we were finally heading to Mombasa. I promptly fell right back to sleep and woke up in the morning to the sound of a bell signalling breakfast.

I was one week from being home in the United States. I had already been in Kenya for 6 weeks. There wasn't even more "official" ministry for our team to do; we were going to debrief, meaning we would be preparing for reentry into the U.S. and getting ready to integrate the transformation we had experienced with our normal lives.

So I being the introvert I am, I found an empty compartment in the train and spent time just looking out at the landscape rushing by and reflecting on the trip. It was really hot on the train and so I definitely found myself either feeling really tired or just sitting there thinking. I also spent a good amount of time just talking to Mike Misson, whom I had recently gotten to know pretty well.

We finally arrived in Mombasa around 6-6:30 that day. We were all tired from being confined inside a hot, stuffy train for so many hours. Imagine our joy at seeing an air-conditioned charter bus as our mode of transportation to the place we would be staying at. It turns out the place we were going to stay at was just a few hundred feet from the Indian Ocean. We couldn't really see the ocean that night, but we definitely could feel the sense of wonder just being right next to the Indian Ocean. There's actually a bunch of crazy things that happened this night, but the stories are too long and/or not exactly fit for this blog, so ask me about them if you remember.

Here began the beginning of the end of the GP. We were officially in the debriefing phase of our missions trip. It was time to get ready to go home.

My small group leader, Ryan Davenport, and I looking through our debriefing papers on the train. It was freaking hot on that thing.

Day 42: Stationary

Today was our last morning in Nairobi. We would be leaving Little Sisters' soon to begin the debriefing portion of the GP in Mombasa, which is located on the eastern coast of Kenya. Before we left Nairobi, we visited the AIM (I think it means African Inland Missions but don't quote me on that) Hangar where we learned more about missions in Africa (obviously). More specifically, we got to learn more about missions in more isolated regions of Africa. We got to see some of the small aircraft that missionaries take to get to the middle of no where. There are a lot of logistics required to send missionaries all over central Africa and we got to meet some of the people working in the hangar to make all the missions possible. I even met a guy who graduated from UCSD who came to Kenya with his family to help serve.

It's time like this when I really think about whether I could ever be a full-fledged missionary. During some moments (like during a missions trip or an IV conference for college seniors), I really think that I could do full time ministry and even possibly become a missionary one day. On most other days, I just want to live the standard American life, serve at a church, and otherwise just live pretty comfortably. Part of me realizes that it's worthwhile to live life completely for God while the other just wants to...well, do what I want. Anyway, I've gone on enough of a tangent, but when all is said and done, I've just got to live faithfully in the little things. Hopefully, when the big decisions come around, I will have put myself in a place to make the wisest decision.

We later arrived at Nairobi Railway Station, because as it turned out, we were going to be taking a train to Mombasa! My memory is a little fuzzy, but I think that we were originally supposed to leave around 7 PM and that it would take about 15 hours to get to Mombasa. Anyway, as fate would have it, the train arrived decently on time, but an accident occurred somewhere else on the railroad track. So by the time this day ended, we were still at the Nairobi station, either sitting around in our compartment or taking walks along the station. In fact, the train still hadn't moved by the time I fell asleep in my compartment.

The AIM hangar

Inside the hangar

Dylan and I finding ways to kill time
Nairobi Railway Station

The Hogwarts Express

Day 41: Thika Prison

Today, Nita, the woman who showed us around some Hindu temples, invited the GP team to help her serve at Thika Prison. As I mentioned before, Nita is an extraordinarily strong-willed woman who serves God by serving those who dwell in Kenyan prisons. She routinely visits various prisons in Kenya meeting prisoners and spreading the Word of God. When we arrived at the prison, we were split into 2 pre-determined teams: one of which would minister to the male prisoners and the other which would minister to the female prisoners.

I was part of the first team that would meet the male prisoners. The guards counted us off and then let us enter into an enormous courtyard where there were hundreds of prisoners sitting there looking at us. Nita had arranged for us to basically conduct a little bit of a church service in the prison. We started off with Rich giving his testimony to the prisoners, and after that, John gave a sermon on Hebrews. It was pretty cool, because initially, Rich and John were just projecting with their voices in English, but eventually, one of the prisoners offered to translate what they were saying into Swahili. Once John finished, he gave an alter call, and my teammates and I watched in amazement as hundreds of men raised their hands and stood up. Nathan then led the entire prison in a time of worship during which GP team and Kenyan prisoners sang songs to worship God together. We even sang "Oh How He Loves Us" in both English and Swahili together. It was an extremely humbling moment for me to watch. During the whole time, I didn't feel fear about being in the presence of prisoners, but I think that God really instilled in the hearts of us in the GP team that He loves these men just like He loves us. It didn't matter whether we were prisoners or students, Kenyan or American, young or old, He still loved us all and forgives us all of our sin. I don't know if all the men who stood up during the alter call understood what they were doing or if they were genuine, but regardless, I felt very humbled to be there to watch God work in that prison.

After the service, we went to another section of the prison where we passed out soap and toilet paper to men who had been recently convicted. As I passed out the items to the men and said "God bless you", many of them looked at me, smiled, and said, "Thank you." As I left the prison, I couldn't help but think that Nita and her colleague, Chaplain John, had an amazing ministry serving prisoners. It's always so inspiring for me to see people live out what is exactly written in the Bible. We Americans find so many ways to say "This is really what Jesus really meant..." or "This is how this passage can be applied in modern times..." or "Jesus didn't mean to literally..." that it's absolutely mind-boggling and humbling to witness people who just straight up follow what Jesus said. Would that I could do the same.

Day 40: Complete and Utter Brokenness: Part II

Later on in the day, the team took a visit to the local FOCUS Centre. FOCUS is short for Fellowship of Christian Unions, which is basically the national college fellowship of Kenya. Think the InterVarsity or AACF or Campus Crusade of Kenya. We met some of the staff of FOCUS and took some time getting to know what it's like to run numerous fellowships across an entire country.

That night, after our team time, I retreated to an empty hall to be by myself. For those of you who don't know me very well, I am a very critical, cynical, and angry person. This just happened to be one of those days when my sin was too much for me to bear. As I listened to my teammates share, sing worship songs, etc., my prideful heart was filled with anger towards them as I internally criticized what I perceived as wrong motivations and intentions. I almost felt like crying or punching a wall, because what kind of person deals with so much sin on a missions team as he's supposed to be worshiping God? I couldn't help but feel like the crappiest person in the room, and let me tell you what a horrible feeling that is. Some of you may think that I made a big deal out of a few stray thoughts, but my anger, bitterness, and resentment have been struggles I have had for years. So trust me when I say that this night was particularly difficult for me to handle my sin.

Missions trips aren't some idyllic wonderland where everyone is just straight up holy and righteous all of a sudden. Missions are just another place and circumstance where our insecurities manifest themselves in new ways, where Satan uses old and new tactics to own our hearts, and where we fail miserably. Thankfully, God's grace still covers all of these mistakes-even and especially while on missions.

After I spent some time praying, I found the guy I trusted most on the trip, Dylan, and talked to him about my struggles. It just felt so redeeming for me to be able to confess myself to my friend. I didn't necessarily go to sleep that night feeling all rosy and good about myself, but I did go to sleep realizing that it takes a particularly big God to be able to love EVERY SINGLE person in the world and EVERY SINGLE person's EVERY sin and struggle. So thank you God for loving me despite my sin. Whenever I fail-even on a missions trip-I know your grace and love cover me.

My place of solitude that night

Day 40: Complete and Utter Brokenness: Part I

The title of this post represents the theme of this day.

In the morning, we headed to the slums of Huruma to help serve at Mother Theresa's Orphanage. Huruma was actually the ministry site for 4 members of our GP team, and so they would actually be revisiting the place they had served and given their hearts for 3 weeks. Most of us served in the disabled children's ward. Needless to say, it was pretty heart-wrenching to see so many children with physical and mental disabilities. And the kids we saw were the lucky ones. They were the ones who were receiving care and attention from the people serving at the orphanage. I remember Kennedy who had problems breathing, because there was so much mucous in his nose and mouth as he laid down. I remember Sacramento who could barely eat food as I tried to help feed him. The main doctor there, Doctor Timothy, is an amazing dude, because he is constantly caring and providing for these children. It's tough to realize that these kids will most likely never be physically or mentally whole. They'll only ever be healed and wholly complete in heaven.

Later on, we were introduced to Viona who is confined to a special chair. It turns out that a GP member from the previous year who had served in Huruma actually raised money upon returning to the U.S. to buy Viona a specially designed wheelchair. It was an incredibly powerful moment as Dr. Timothy placed Viona in her new chair. We the GP team later learned that Viona has since gone home to heaven. I can only smile as I imagine her with her completely whole body and chilling with our Lord Jesus.

I take my physical wholeness for granted every single day of my life. Sure, I'm not 6'2" with mindblowing athleticism and a silky-smooth jumpshot, but I can speak my mind, move without handicap, and go wherever I want. It takes days like this one to realize how little it takes for a life to be turned upside down. How different would each of these kids' lives be if they weren't physically or mentally disabled? This question sounds so utterly stupid, but when I consider how these kids will always be confined to beds and never able to care for themselves, I'm heartbroken.

Physical brokenness is just one thing I learned on this day. As I would soon learn, there is so much brokenness beyond what just affects the body.

The GP team with Viona in the center

Day 39: Free Day

I'm about to graduate from college in a few hours, but before I do so, let's take some time to remember the Kenya GP...

The majority of the team woke up early today to go on a safari. Having had a terrible experience the last time I went on safari, I decided to not go and so I had a free day to do whatever I wanted. I spent the early part of the day journaling and reflecting. I thought about how the GP was coming to an end, and how I had to let go of the things that were beginning to distract me from focusing on the things at hand. I thought about my Kenyan teammates and the extraordinary faiths they demonstrated to me. They are such brave people who aren't afraid to share their convictions. Whenever I talk with them about the future, they always say something along the lines of: "I have faith that God will..." I rarely hear people back in the states say something as simple as that when they're worried or anxious.

Later on in the day, a few of us made the trek to Nairobi to get some pizza (yes, there's pizza in Kenya) and to check out another Massai market. It was just a really chill day to enjoy each other's company. By the time we returned, our teammates had already come back from the safari, and were already sharing stories about seeing leopards and other cool sites.

At the end of the day, I spent some more time by myself reflecting. So I'm one of those guys who can really overthink a lot about things. One of my main struggles at this point in the GP was concentrating on what God had to show me instead of dwelling on things that may or may not happen. One part of me wants to be singular with God's will, but the other just want follow my own desires. I know I'm being super vague, but trust me when I say that while I wanted to serve God wholeheartedly, I always find a way to become distracted from the mission at hand.

The same struggle applies even now as I'm getting set to graduate...

Those of us who went to Nairobi