Reflection on Days 1-11

Our time at Watakatifu Wote Senta, at Ngong, with our teammates, with our staff, with our directors was all over. From here on out, it would just be me and Dylan pretty much in the middle of nowhere, hanging out with a dude (Pastor Mwiti) we barely knew. So what was I feeling before I fell asleep the night before all of us were about to disperse all over Kenya?

Honestly, my first 10 days in Kenya were really difficult. I had no idea that I would struggle as much as I did. I had to deal with so much crap like my personal sins, guilt from knowing how reluctant I was in coming to Kenya, my heart of stone that prevented me from loving others, and realizing that I was struggling most when I should technically be the holiest I've ever been. What made all this that much harder was the fact that I really didn't know, let alone trust, anyone on the team. I mean, yes, I shared some stuff with my small group, and yes, I did bond with some of my teammates, but honestly, I bottled most of what I was feeling to myself.

At the same time, I still got some glimpses of how God was working in Kenya and even in my own life. Though there was a lot of darkness within me, I still got to capture some powerful instances of the hope, peace, and love that is found in God. Sanctuary of Hope showed me the power of vision and commitment to what one believes is right. Wanja showed me what courage and strength from God can do. Brian showed me the sustainability of living with passion and conviction. My Kenyan teammates showed me what boldness looks like. My GP teammates showed me what a community that is centered on God looks like. Kenyan children from the slums and streets showed me what joy looks like amidst so much poverty and brokenness.

Even my own sins and struggles showed me that I cannot do anything for Christ unless He is there with me guiding me every step of the way. In my heart, I began to understand that maybe I had raised close to $5000 and had come all the way across the world, and the only person whose heart would change from my time in Kenya would be my own.

So while I had despaired and wrestled with a lot of issues, I had faith that God really did have a purpose for me in Kenya. That even though I was messing up so badly and couldn't see exactly how God would work in me, God would come through and transform me.

And so as I got ready to say goodbye to my teammates and depart for Weru, I clung to the faith I had that God would not only use me for His purposes but that He would also break and mold me for His glory.